Visitation Schedule and Journal, why are they important?

 

Whether the split between the Parties is brand new or has been ongoing, there must be a Visitation Schedule.  A Visitation Schedule helps both the Parties and the child(ren).  It tells them the date, time and location of where visitations are to take place; without such a schedule, it's a sure fire guarantee that conflicts will take place.  Whether you have officially filed for a Divorce (or Legal Separation) or not, preparing a Visitation Schedule is a must.  However, if the Parties are in a position where communication is either poor or non-existent then immediate court involvement will be necessary just to get a Visitation Schedule up and going. Barring that extreme circumstance, you can and should establish a Visitation Schedule as soon as possible.

          A Visitation Schedule should take into consideration all Parties’ schedules (work, travel time, etc.) including the children’s weekly activities (school, sports, after school activities, doctor appointments, medication protocols, etc.).  Don’t forget to add in school and public holidays.  You may even want to help the child(ren) prepare their own schedules/calendars in order to help them keep track as to where and when they are to be engaged in family activities. There are some electronic calendars available on the internet, either for free or at a cost, to help set up electronic calendars (here are two examples: www.sharekids.com or www.parentingtime.net ).

If you are the one with primary physical custody, you may initially be tempted to withhold visitations from the Opposing Party; if for no other reason than you don’t know what to expect due to the separation. However, I would caution you not to do so, remember, the child(ren) are also feeling very uncertain about their current circumstances, so now is not the time to cut off contact; even though communication may be a challenge for you right now.  Please keep in mind my above statement is made barring any evidence of physical or verbal abuse being presented by the Opposing Party. Additionally, it is true that the amount of visitation time spent with the children will have an impact upon the support issues, however, barring any evidence of abuse, support issues should take a back seat to the “best interest” of the child(ren)’s need for contact with both Parents. Most Judges and therapists view frequent involvement between both Parties and their child(ren) as being in the “best interest” of the child(ren). 

 

Ok, so let’s say I have sold you on the need for a Visitation Schedule, but now I am going to propose that you keep a Visitation Journal, which will involve even more work; why, you may ask?  Well, besides keeping track of the dates and times of the actual visitation, you may soon find that the schedule does not always go according to plan.  The purpose of the journal is to provide an unofficial record of the visitations, of what actually took place not just what was on the schedule.  This can be especially helpful when there are problems with the visitations.  Your journal entries regarding the visitations can be used to back up what has or has not been taking place regarding the visitation schedule.  What problems might we be talking about you may ask?  Some examples would be the following: Does the opposing party frequently show up late for visitations or not all? What reasons are given for the “no show” or late arrival? What was the Children’s response to a “no show”?  Do you find out that your child was not given scheduled medication during the visitation?  Does the Opposing Parent instruct you to pick up the children after school but when you show up and they are nowhere to be found?  Do exchange times turn into verbal tug-a-wars and police end up being called? (If police or sheriff were involved remember to provide the basic information of "who-what-where-when" and the names of people who were involved, especially the names of any Officers and/or agencies.)  This is where we would strongly suggest that you not only maintain a Visitation Journal, but that it be kept in an electronic form so that you might provide this information to your attorney or so it can be printed up and used as reference when you are going to attend mediation, counseling or court. Lastly, keep in mind both the Visitation Schedule and the Journal are only as good as the information contained within it and how diligently it is maintained.