Part Two of Social Media and the Parent/Child Relationship

 

As mentioned in Part One of our series on Social Media and the Parent/Child Relationship, it is suggested that parents set up age appropriate ground rules for use of social media and enforce the consequences for any rule violations.  For guidelines on such ground rules we are once again looking to our social media hostess, Joanna Jullien of Banana Moments.  Ms. Jullien produces the Sacramento Cyber Safety Examiner column for Examiner.com. (For Ms. Jullien’s background information please see http://bananamoments.com/about-banana-moments/ )

Ms. Jullien points out that it is important for the parents to recognize they are the primary teacher for their child (ren), as such, they have the authority and responsibility to guide them.  Furthermore, she states, “mobile connectivity brings the world in closer and exposes youth to adult issues at earlier ages”. Both the parent and the child need to recognize the cyber world is a very PUBLIC space, thus instruction needs to take place between the parent and child on what should remain PRIVATE in this public space.  Additionally, the child should not have access to everything which is available on the internet; some of it can actually be very dangerous for the child.  Access to social media should be presented to the child as a privilege not a right, therefore, the need for rules and guidelines within a family (and/or between biological parents and the child (ren) if there is a separation/divorce in place). 

If you’re like the rest of us, you find yourself darting from one activity to another in a sort of whirlwind, so we thought you might appreciate the video link, with text summary, of Ms. Jullien’s Cyber Rites of Passage: How to set age-appropriate boundaries for children using smart devices, as a helpful quick reference (hint it is less than 7 minutes long).  

http://bananamoments.com/bmblog/cyber-rites-of-passage-for-children-of-all-ages/

 

However, if you have the time and are seeking more details on the subject then check out Ms. Jullien’s eBook at the following link:http://bananamoments.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2014_October_Cyber-Rites-of-Passage.pdf

We would like to thank Ms. Jullien and her Banana Moments Foundation for generously providing our readers with these resources.  Please stay tune for further posts regarding our Social Media and the Parent/Child Relationship mini-series.

"Halloween Fall Festival" Tabletop

 

Halloween has shown up in our office reception area; beginning with apple picking at the Harvest Apple Orchard and pumpkin patch.  Then you move down the lane to the Halloween Fall Festival with hay rides, pumpkin carving, and a carnival with a Spinning Pumpkins ride and glowing Ferris Wheel. Additionally we appear to be in luck, 'cause we are here just in time for the annual Neighborhood Halloween Parade with scary mummies, skeletons, witches, ghosts and even Dracula. If you look closely you'll catch a sneak peek of kids performing their favorite Halloween activities such as jumping into piles of autumn leaves and Trick-o-Treating.  Nothing too frightening here, just lots of fall fun and excitement under a harvest moon.  Feel free to stop by and check out the fun.

(Below are pictures from our office Halloween tablescape entitled “Halloween Fall Festival”.)

 

Attended My Sister's House 7th Annual English High Tea

Karen Martinez and Nilda Valmores, Executive Director of My Sister's House

My wife, Karen, had the joy of attending the 7^th Annual English High Tea, put on by My Sister’s House of Sacramento, this past Saturday.  Karen enjoyed viewing all the beautiful and creative tables set up for the high tea.  Karen and I would like to remind everyone that My Sister’s House does important work by helping and supporting women and children in crisis; with an emphasis on those dealing with Domestic Violence and Human Trafficking. You can help support this important mission by stopping by the My Sister's Café, located at 455 Capitol Mall, #110 in Sacramento, for either breakfast or lunch.  



"Tea by the Seaside"

Pictured below is the winning table # 21 entitled, “Tea by the Seaside” complete with sandcastles, swimming mermaids, starfish and even live swimming gold fish; good job ladies.

Part One of Social Media and the Parent/Child Relationship

 

 

Here at the Law Offices of George A. Martinez we are starting a series regarding Social Media and the Parent/Child relationship. What follows is Part One of the series.

 

On 09/06/14, I had a special opportunity to attend a parenting class regarding Social Media at St. Joseph Marello Parish in Granite Bay, California.  The hostesses of the event were Joanna Jullien, Foundation Founder of Banana Moments and Ms. Maylynn Whatley. It was a very informative morning and I wanted to share some of its highlights. 

My main take away from the morning was 1) the parent and the child(ren) are not going to be able to avoid social media interaction; 2) social media offers both great positives and grave negatives; 3) the key element to the survival of both the parent and the child(ren) is to develop a strong trusting, loving relationship between the two of them; and 4) the parents should set up age appropriate ground rules and enforce the consequences for any rule violations.

According to Ms. Jullien, the parent’s need to “consider internet access and smart phones as a rite of passage- not a right”.  Developing and following age appropriate ground rules will allow the child to learn how to use the cyber tools properly and to also allow for the maturing of the child, over time, in the usage of said tools.

Out in the cyber world, there are lots of voices clamoring for the attention of the child, and the parents need to make sure that it is their fundamental values which the child hears and responds to, not the values of the cyber world. 

Remember, children are swimming in a virtual world and while in this world they are seeking authenticity; or as Ms. Jullien puts it, “genuine authority”. They, the child(ren), really want the parent to inform them and instructed them regarding the truth; but they want it done in a loving manner.  While they don’t want to be lectured, they do want guidance as to why something is good or not good for them.

The children need to be good citizens in the virtual realm, just as they need to be in the physical realm. They need to understand there is a cross over between the physical and virtual realm.  What they do in the virtual realm will affect them in their physical realm, and vice versa. For example, a thoughtless picture or rude comment sent out by the child will go out into the cyber world and like hot, butter melting on to popcorn the picture, or comment, will suddenly “pop up”.   The child may then be hit with the harsh reality of that picture, or comment, which they are now powerless to take back or delete. They will now discover the consequence of the picture or comment.  They will find out that this can happened in both the cyber and physical world, however, in the cyber world the “melting butter” effect can prove to have deeper and longer lasting effects. The parent may or may not be able to prevent this “pop up” from happening, however, they need to be prepared to respond to the child with love, gentleness and guidance.  The parent will need to work with the child regarding how to make amends for the action(s) of the child and prevent future missteps.  

For the parents whom have older children, or those with teenagers, whom have already been out in the cyber world without their (the parents) guidance, they calmed their fears that it was not too late.  They instructed them to just get started with the conversation.  First find out where the child is in the process and then build from there.  The key here is to development a strong relationship between the child and parent.  Of course, if there has been little communication between the two of them regarding social media and core family values, then more time and effort will be needed; just know that it will be well worth the effort. They also pointed out that if you don’t know much about how to use social media then turn to your own child as a source of information.  It will not only become your starting point for learning about social media, but it will also become a way of developing a deeper child/parent relationship. For at some point, the parent will start learning more about the child’s likes, dislikes, interests, hopes and dreams which can only strengthen the relationship between the two of you.  

They also instructed the parents to be a digital role model for your child(ren); meaning don’t do things you would not want your child to do.  For just as you might be watching out for how your child interacts on the internet, so too is it possible that the child is watching how you interact. Given the fact that many of our readers our separated parents this might be a good spot to remind or readers of the sacred old adage “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, especially in the case of separated parents.  If you are speaking negatively about your “ex” on social media, stop and think about how that might affect your child(ren).  What at the chances the child might see those comments via social media, and more importantly, what if your “ex” is doing the same thing against you?  Basically, airing your family difficulties in social media can have not only negative effects on you but also on your children.  If you feel the need to let off steam about the opposing party it would be much better to talk about it with a close friend (in person) or to a counselor, rather than broadcasting it across cyber space so that friends, co-workers and family (especially the children) hear all the details. Additionally, I would strongly encourage you to have a discussion with the other parent about the issue of social media and your child(ren); if the communications between the two of you are good enough. This discussion will be just as important as discussions regarding how and when the kids should be picked up from school and when the next basketball practice is. If you cannot reach an agreement with the Opposing Party about what type of apps are appropriate for your child(ren) or upon the “rules on the house” regarding technology and devices within the separate households, then all you can do is make sure your child(ren) is instructed as to what your values are and continue to work on developing the best communication you can with your child(ren).  You want to develop a relationship with them where they feel comfortable in coming to you with problems, questions or concerns.    

I recognize this is a very general discussion regarding the subject matter of social media and parenting, however, that is why I am breaking down this topic into a series of posts. Our next post will get more into the setting up of age appropriate ground rules for the family.

In the meantime, for other reference information on this subject and other topics, here is the contact information for Joanna Jullien of Banana Moments Foundation:

E-mail: Jullien@surewest.net

           Web: http://www.bananamoments.com
            Twitter@CyberParenting
           Facebook: Banana Moments
           Linked in: Joanna Jullien

Engage in Life-long Learning

George and I have a confession.  We both have the same visceral response when we see the “Back to School” signs go up at our local stores; and that is one of dread and apprehension.  Of course, those feelings come from our many years of schooling, from childhood on into young adulthood; with its long hours of study and school work.  However, now with the pressure of tests behind us, we can now look at education as part of our maturing process and something we wish to continue on in to the rest of our lives. 

While the theme of our office display is an encouragement for all of us to continue to “Engage in life-long learning”, with its display of a little red school house, apples and fall colors; it got us to thinking about the children we deal with in our practice.  While some may be excited to get new school clothes, backpacks and crayons they also may be experiencing apprehension as a result of their home situation.  With a recent marital split or divorce between their parents, the child may be not only be having to attend a new classroom but quite possibly a whole new school.  Both a divorce and return to school can be major stressors for children, as such, we encourage our parents to read up on the effects a separation and/or divorce may have upon the children.  Take time to understand the challenges the children may be facing at this time and feel free to seek the assistance of our office staff in order to obtain resources which may help both you and your children cope with your changing circumstances.  

(Below are pictures from our office tablescape for back to school entitled, “Engage in life-long learning.”)

 

 

Book Review on “Divorced. Catholic. Now What?” by Lisa Duffy and Vince Frese

The book cover contains a quote by Dr. Linda Klaitz, a psychologist, author and public speaker, whom describes how the

 “divorced Catholics are a population woefully under-served, misunderstood, and often avoided in our parishes.”

Dr. Klaitz goes on to point out how this book,

“begins with a Catholic basis for coping with toxic, painful emotions following divorce.  The structure is spiritually and psychologically sound. Using Scripture, it directs these suffering men and women from anger and sadness to courage, compassion, forgiveness and hope.”

The authors of Divorced. Catholic. Now What?, Lisa Duffy and Vince Frese, help walk the readers through key challenges they will face during the divorce process; such as, anger (towards both the opposing party and possibly even God), resentment, frustration, anxiety, forgiveness and the need for gratitude and hope.  The book also addresses such pertinent subjects, such as, what the Church actually says about divorce, annulments, sex and dating as a divorced Catholic. 

Within each chapter the authors offer up case profiles and glimpses as to how others handled their divorce struggles and what changes they made in order to move themselves past the hurt and pain. For example, in the chapter entitled, “Dealing with your ex-spouse”, they address the important issue of gaining control over the situation and recognizing what you can and cannot control and making the proper choices over what you can control. Knowing as much about yourself, how you react to particular situations, understanding your personal temperament and being familiar with the same information about your ex-spouse, can make a huge difference in bringing control into the situation. Recognizing what you can and cannot control, 

“can become an art: the more you practice it, the better you become and the more naturally it integrates into your personality and temperament.”

 “From there, you can teach yourself better ways to deal with the difficult situations that arise because of your divorce.”   

The chapters are well structured and offer scripture references, and “Now What?” steps to follow after reading each chapter, plus words of meditation, a resolution and lists of further suggested readings.

While the subject matter is centered upon the subject of divorce, there our suggestions and helpful tips within this book which can actually be used by anyone facing a challenging situation of any kind not just a divorce.  At some point in time, no matter what your station is in life, you will probably face issues of anger, frustration, and confrontations of some kind.  The authors of “Divorced. Catholic. Now What?” offer helpful, theological advice on how to handle those challenging situations whether or not you are dealing with an actual divorce.

This book is available on Amazon. Additionally, I am referring only this particular book which was Copyrighted in 2007 by Lisa Duffy and Vince Frese and published by Journey of Hope Productions.  Furthermore, Lisa Duffy has a website located at divorcedcatholic.com which might be of further assistance for some of our patrons. This reviewer has no official association with Ms. Duffy nor with Journey of Hope Productions.  I am only offering this book review as an assistance to the patrons of our website and encouraging them to further investigation the subject matter for their own growth and education.    

Say “Aloha” - summer is a good time to take a real or imagined break in the action

With summer in full swing one cannot help but envision being on a tropical island somewhere.  Feel yourself drenched in bright, warm, sunlight; feel the hot sand beneath your feet; feel the cool breeze as it sweeps over the ocean; hear the waves as they crash and recede in front of you; taste the tall, cool, drink in your hand; and watch the kids in the distance as they meticulously dig and mold their sand castles.  Make sure you take time this summer to take in all the wonderful sensations of a trip to the beach.  If you can’t travel to an actual beach, try visiting a local watering hole such as Folsom Lake or Lake Tahoe.  If that’s not possible, take a quiet afternoon to stretch out on the couch with a favorite paperback, turn on a c.d. playing waves or Hawaiian music, turn on an electric fan for effect and don’t forget the “tall, cool one” in hand.  Aloha

(Below are pictures from our office tablescape for summer. Feel free to stop by and say "Aloha". )